Early Morning Coffee Thoughts

            I’m sitting at the table with my morning cup of coffee, staring out the window, when I spot a single drop of dew on a pine tree branch. In the morning sun, it glistens like an infinitesimal rainbow coalescing on a singular pine needle, and I realize that this is light travelling from millions of miles away just to strike a droplet of water smaller than a pea so that it could refract into the expanded visible spectrum when it touches the back of my eyeball, but only when I sit exactly where I am at this particular moment on this particular day.

            I’m so content in this moment, when yesterday I was frustrated and fed up with life. Two years ago, I was trying my hand at tai chi on the beaches of San Diego in the dead of night when my mind was connected to the wavelength of the universe, and a few years before that, I was praying for death to end my anguish because I could no longer stomach my endless string of bad luck.

            This life is so strange. I’ve seen sunrises and sunsets so vivid and beautiful that they stretch the limits of the imagination. I’ve seen storms so violent that no light can be seen at midday. I’ve seen delicate flowers that only bloom at night, and creatures so dirty and twisted by circumstance that they only exist on hate and refuse. I’ve seen the good die young while the undeserving live forever. I’ve known love so deep that it brings a tear to the eye. I’ve seen love killed outright in a moment, like a gunshot, and I’ve watched it wither and die like a cancer patient.

            Days come and go where I feel that I’ve seen enough of the world to make an informed decision, and I would like the ride to end, even if I have to jump off myself. In the end, though, I always find a reason to keep rolling down the tracks. Sometimes things can be a bit too much to handle, and certainly they can get pretty bad. When this world is good, though, it’s really good, and it’s always worth the wait.