I’m sitting
at the table with my morning cup of coffee, staring out the window, when I spot
a single drop of dew on a pine tree branch. In the morning sun, it glistens
like an infinitesimal rainbow coalescing on a singular pine needle, and I
realize that this is light travelling from millions of miles away just to
strike a droplet of water smaller than a pea so that it could refract into the
expanded visible spectrum when it touches the back of my eyeball, but only when
I sit exactly where I am at this particular moment on this particular day.
I’m so
content in this moment, when yesterday I was frustrated and fed up with life.
Two years ago, I was trying my hand at tai chi on the beaches of San Diego in
the dead of night when my mind was connected to the wavelength of the universe,
and a few years before that, I was praying for death to end my anguish because
I could no longer stomach my endless string of bad luck.
This life
is so strange. I’ve seen sunrises and sunsets so vivid and beautiful that they
stretch the limits of the imagination. I’ve seen storms so violent that no
light can be seen at midday. I’ve seen delicate flowers that only bloom at
night, and creatures so dirty and twisted by circumstance that they only exist
on hate and refuse. I’ve seen the good die young while the undeserving live
forever. I’ve known love so deep that it brings a tear to the eye. I’ve seen
love killed outright in a moment, like a gunshot, and I’ve watched it wither
and die like a cancer patient.
Days come
and go where I feel that I’ve seen enough of the world to make an informed
decision, and I would like the ride to end, even if I have to jump off myself.
In the end, though, I always find a reason to keep rolling down the tracks.
Sometimes things can be a bit too much to handle, and certainly they can get
pretty bad. When this world is good, though, it’s really good, and it’s always
worth the wait.
